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Roommate impedes 'friends with benefits' setup

Posted 10/9/19

DEAR ABBY - I've been spending time with a certain gentleman for more than five years. I'm in love with him. We dated at first, then became friends with benefits. He had another woman move in with him a few years ago, but we're still friends with …

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Roommate impedes 'friends with benefits' setup

Posted

DEAR ABBY - I've been spending time with a certain gentleman for more than five years. I'm in love with him. We dated at first, then became friends with benefits. He had another woman move in with him a few years ago, but we're still friends with benefits, and he has become my best friend. He listens when I need someone to talk to and knows how to give a good pep talk when I need one. We talk several hours a day and text throughout the day.

I know in my heart we're meant to be together. He tells me he loves me but says he can't ask the other woman to move out because she doesn't have anywhere to go until she makes the person living in her house move out. How do I talk to him about this?

Other woman

DEAR OTHER WOMAN - Friends don't string friends along for years, which is what this "gentleman" has been doing to you.

He invited the other woman to move in because she's providing something he finds of value. (Are you sure they haven't gotten married or enjoy similar benefits?) If he wanted her out, he would find a way to do it. During your next "hourslong" phone call, tell him that as much as you care for him, you can no longer continue to live in limbo. Give him a deadline to get rid of his houseguest and, if he doesn't meet it, cut off his "benefits."

DEAR ABBY - As a woman, I'm infuriated by men of all ages who have to adjust their crotches all the time. Is there any way we can tell these men that what they're doing is vulgar and embarrassing, and it's rude to do this in public? I'm almost tempted to caress my breasts with both hands and push upward. But I guess that would be worse. Any ideas?

Infuriated in Topeka

DEAR INFURIATED - Forget hoisting your breasts skyward. Rather than succumb to infuriation, dig deep and try to feel some sympathy. This has everything to do with our Creator's grand design. Because men's genitalia are external, they sometimes get pinched in their clothing, which is uncomfortable. It's only natural that they reflexively try to remedy the situation. Because it bothers you so much, try looking elsewhere.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)